


the wonders of three am (beauty in chaos)

by we_have_cake



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Falling In Love, Fluff, Forgive Me, Friendship, M/M, Slight Angst?, Unrequited Love, gay shit, i literally wrote these at three am, m sorry for this, okay actual angst wow, possible angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-07-25 09:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16194746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/we_have_cake/pseuds/we_have_cake
Summary: what is the point I guess? Is there really a point, or are we all just going by guidelines that are invisibly set by society? What's the chaos of standing still?&&&&so basically I write a lot of random or unfinished stuff at three am and I decided to write without limit, post without thinking and pray something good comes of it. Have fun





	1. introduction

v e r n o n

I wonder if he misses me as I miss him.  
Most likely not, he had never been one to drink, let alone drink himself into exile.

I'm an idiot.

My common sense was blurred by alcohol, not a healthy habit in any way but it helped me to forget. Forget him, forget my mistakes, the fact the he exists, the fact that I love him. It works.

The majority of the time. Not when I needed it the most though. It was almost funny, how bad I had let things get.

My phone sits in my hand, and my vision blurs. I try and type out words I know you'll take no meaning to.

'I miss you.'

Delete.

'I love you.'

Delete.

'You are so amazing and such a beautiful person. I can't believe I hurt you. I'm sorry.'

Delete.

Nothing I said could ever be good enough. Never make up for the mess I've made.

My words feeling empty yet full of the gut wrenching feelings that seem to spill from me, if only you could see me like this. Then you'd know I was genuine in my words.  
Your screams still echo in my head. The sight of your tears and hurt plain on your face seared onto the backs of my eyelids.

I drink.

 The bar stool is growing more uncomfortable by the second, my back aching and my body feeling as if I'd been poisoned. I may have been, drink too much and hope I'm dead by morning light.  
A lot of good that would do.

I chuckle, the purely drunk kind, and feel tears start to form at the corners of my eyes. I'm a mess. I complete fucking mess and I can't do anything to even try and fix the fucked up shit I've done. I've hurt so many people. Severed myself from anything that didn't revolve around me. I'm stupid.

I can hardly think straight and it feels hard to breathe. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad and I'm such a terrible person, and everything that I've done sits heavily on my shoulders. I feel the need but I know the second I do I'll fall on my ass like a drunken idiot, which at this point, I am.

I try again.  
Typing words I can hardly read, words that never seem right no matter how hard I try.  
My mind is numb, like I wish my feelings were. I just want all emotion to leak away and leave me be for one night.  
Maybe get laid, screw up my life so much more.

I can't comprehend how I let everything get this far. How I let a one night stand ruin my life, how I let my best friend leave me, how I fucked up beyond measure multiple times.

It wasn't fair. Nothing was, not the tears that are now dripping down my cheeks, not the dull pounding against my skull.  
Not anything.  
Life wasn't fair yet I begged for it to be, begged for the day where I could finally say everything was right and even. Fair. But it never would be would it.

The bartender by now is giving me curious looks, or maybe it's just my imagination.

I can't do this.  
Not without you.

I can't.

I shouldn't be here, doing this.

I can't take it.

I pick up my phone.

And I call him.

3 rings. No answer.  
I don't know why I expected a different outcome, I was stupid for thinking he'd forgive me.

I was stupid for thinking anything at all had changed.  
Stupid for sitting here.  
Stupid for thinking I wanted to die just to get away from my mistakes.

I secretly wonder if I could fix this.  
I'm not even sure where to start.


	2. jeonghan/seungcheol

It wasn't easy, no, he was asked to kill a king, but killing a king he would do.  
He wasn't a queen. He had the charm and luster, the brains and the soul and the passion, the beauty and soft spoken word of a leader and a warm hand to reach out and give. He could play the part well, he had tricks and everything you could imagine in that head of his.

Suppose it could have been easier to take him out with a well aimed dagger, but no this he wanted to be challenging. People came to him for the best of the best and he would give with everything he had.  
So at that, a queen was built for an empire hardly his size.

It wasn't hard. But it certainly wasn't easy, it was hard to weasel your way into the kings court, let alone get noticed or have an impact on someone, so it was a slow process, but it mattered. Scouting the castle grounds, coming to every event he could get his hands on and finally his works paid off, finally at every attempt to stand out from the crowd and speak above, taking on the title of royalty before having power of any sort he had it wrapped around his finger expertly.  
For he was called to the front, taken by the hand and led off.

It was terrible, a king of such noble standards taking a man into a back alley way and stealing a heated kiss from his lips with no words spoken, it would be a sight to see and considered a tragedy but he was a master in his craft.  
He knew how to get what he wanted, get what he was being paid thousands to do. For he was out to kill a king.

  
Months. An affair of sorts, behind closed doors and filled with hushed whispers, lay secrets spoke by the eyes and mouths, laid out in blooms on the skin hiding just beneath the fabric of clothes that once lay discarded on a rug, most likely worth more than the lives of countless others.  
Simplistic, and admirable and filled with passion, and it wasn't hard to enjoy and sink into the comfort before faced with the stupid sense of reality where things had to be done and a kingdom had to be ruled.

And slowly but surely, the queen earned his title. Sat high upon a throne others though he had betrayed them, taking up instead riches and fame and luxury, but he was a man of no loose ends or broken promises. He was set to kill a king. And to kill a king he would do.

Add lust, small touches under the table cloth that had someone begging for more, and it was all set to simmer. To mature, gain meaning a d death complexity and now he supposed, it was time.

he was scraped of all love, emotion behind his one warm eyes depleted and left with shells of what used to be, replaced with cool glares that sent shivers down everyone's spine, wrapped in the finest silk and kept warm.

He sat back  
And watched at the king choked.


	3. s.coups/jeonghan

He was a cigarette daydream and I could only melt into it. He was like a thunderstorm, all leather jackets, sharpening his smile, lace up boots that only he seemed to pull off. I was the opposite. I was honey, soft pink lipstick, and I felt I screamed the 50's, static on TV and diner booths, strawberry milkshakes and a smile that could kill. From an outside view it almost looked like Grease, that stupid movie from a couple years back, even though he was the farthest thing from a greaser and I wouldn't change myself for him. We simply looked the part. I could hardly get enough of him . We hid behind closet doors and hushed whispers, we were two males and that wouldn't be changing. After all it was 1993 and boys couldn't date other men. Just not the way the world works. He loved me and I loved him and we went back and forth, trying to find where we fit in this world as I sat in the passenger seat of his car and shotgunned his cigarette

**Author's Note:**

> »» hello! So, as the summary explains, that's what is happening. Please keep in mind any typos are not intentional, but as I said, these have all been written around three am and no proof reading or editing has been done. If I partially enjoy writing something, or if it appeals to you guys, I may take it and run with it, making something a lot better, editing, making a one shot or a short series, or even possibly a long running story. Hope you guys enjoyed whatever this was <3


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